Celebrating Lasts

I am thinking of all you mothers out there with a child about to graduate from high school. This year, I am one of you. This year, our youngest child will get her diploma and leave the nest. This is a first for her dad and me. After 35 years of parenting, our nest will be empty. For two thirds of my life I have had children in my house, in my bed, in my lap. This will be a first and I will admit to you, I am struggling. Yes, I love my husband. Yes, I know that it is wonderful... to have adult children who come to visit. Yes, I am proud of my child and know that her leaving is right and good. But if you remind me of those things, I swear I will poke you in the eye because in this moment, my heart can't hear what you are saying. So this is a post for all you moms out there who are wallowing just a bit in sentimentality, wondering where the years have gone and what next fall will feel like: I understand. You are not alone. While there is surely much joy ahead, there's nothing wrong with you if you take a moment to mourn what's past and savor the heck out of today.

Karen Kingsbury wrote a picture book called, "Let Me Hold You Longer." She contends that everyone celebrates all the "firsts" in life--first tooth, first steps, first words, while the "lasts" go unnoticed--largely because no one realizes they are the last. Here is an excerpt from her book. If you want to read it in it's entirety and see the lovely illustrations, I know they have copies for sale on Amazon:

"Long ago you came to me, a miracle of firsts
First smiles and teeth and baby steps, a sunbeam on the burst.
But one day you will move away and leave to me your past,
And I will be left thinking of a lifetime of your lasts.

The last time that I held a bottle to your baby lips...
Last time that I lifted you and held you on my hip...
Last time when you had a binky stuck inside your mouth...
The last time that you crawled across the floor of this old house.
 
Last time when you ran to me, still small enough to hold,
Last time when you said you'd marry me when you grew old.
Precious, simple moments and bright flashes from the past,
Would I have held you longer if I'd known they were the last?"

What it Takes

We should not have made it. By most markers designed to project marital success, we should not still be together...

Ours was a teenage marriage--I was 18 and Ron barely 21. Neither of us went to college. We had five children we could not afford at inopportune times. Only one of us was employed and we hovered below the poverty line for many years. Our personalities were not compatible. He was introverted and private, I never met a stranger. He liked to work, I liked to play. He was cautious and needed to plan, I craved adventure and preferred to fly by the seat of my pants. As you can imagine, there was friction in those early years. Lots of it. We fought noisily in our mobile home in the tight quarters of our trailer court. We fought in the car. We fought quietly in front of others with murderous looks and jabs under the table. I embarrassed him. He infuriated me. Three months into this gig I learned I was pregnant. While Ron spent those early days detailing cars and changing oil at a nearby car dealership, I laid around the house napping and puking. It was all terribly romantic. Two weeks before our first anniversary, I gave birth to our daughter after a long and truly awful labor. They handed us our dark-haired, flannel-wrapped, burrito-baby and we looked at her with pity. "They should require a license to take one of these home," we thought with great anxiety. "What in the world are we going to do with her?"

Somehow we managed to muddle through our daughter's infancy and toddlerhood and, over the next ten years, we added three more children to our collection. During this time, we moved perhaps a dozen times. We lived in a camper on Florida's gulf coast, a double-wide prefab with mysteriously lumpy carpet in rural Missouri, and with the in-laws on two separate occasions. He milked cows and did field work, red-eyed night shifts as a hotel clerk, bagged groceries, did custodial work, and odd carpentry jobs, and started his own business--all so he could pursue youth ministry, his real passion. I dabbled in gardening, canning, and making my own baby food. I got good at living off almost nothing--acquiring most of our clothing and furniture from yard sales, baking my own bread, culturing gallons of raw milk yogurt, folding mountains of line-dried cloth diapers, gestating and lactating all the while. His work required him to take more risks and to put himself out in front of people. Motherhood calmed me and made me more introspective and careful.

In our thirties, we moved some more. Our older kids changed schools six times in six years--from a quiet country schoolhouse to a burgeoning Philadelphia middle school to a hundred year old private high school. We became foster parents and welcomed some amazing and challenging people in and out of our home. We bore our fifth and Final Hurrah Child into a houseful of teenagers who left the house one by one to attend college, marry, and reward us with beautiful grandchildren in sets of two and three.

This last half of our marriage has brought less moving and more aging. If bodies are like wrappers, ours have gone from tight and shiny shrink-wrap to faded, sagging Saran Wrap. In 36 years, we have seen each other in holey underwear, unshaven, and before make-up. We have beheld the ugly tears. We have voiced the meanest words, the most selfish thoughts, uttered with the worst breath. Door slamming, phone throwing, dysfunctional, disorderly, disabled messes; there were days when there was very little that was loveable about either of us. NOT the best foot forward--ours was the stuff you hoped to hide. We all quickly realize that the masks come off in marriage and, all to often, so do the gloves. But back there, behind the scenes in the place where Real Life happens, we have been privileged to experience the Best in one other human being: One person who always has your back that would defend you to the death, take the bullet, hurl themselves in front of a speeding train without a second thought, give you the last life vest on a sinking ship or the last brownie in the pan. Thirty-six years and you can almost read the other's thoughts, anticipate their actions, speak in their place. We are learning what it means to be ONE--the messy melding of two very different people into a team that reflects more than any sappy Hollywood romance ever could.

Because God...God was there all along. We invited Him to the wedding. He was there on the honeymoon for the having and the holding. He's been present for the better and the worse, sustaining in the richer and poorer, holding us in sickness and in health, teaching us what it means to love and to cherish another, FAITHFUL to US 'til death. We've never spent one moment on this journey alone. Marriage was God's idea, after all, not Man's. He knows what we need and He's very much in the thick of the process with us. Ecclesiastes 4:9-12 rings as true today as it did September 29, 1979:

"Two are better than one, because they have a good return for their labor:

If either of them falls down, one can help the other up.

But pity anyone who falls and has no one to help them up.

Also, if two lie down together, they will keep warm.

But how can one keep warm alone?

Though one may be overpowered, two can defend themselves.

A cord of three strands is not quickly broken."

 

Thank you, Lord, for being the Strand that has held it all together--to YOU be all thanks and glory and praise! And Happy Anniversary to my BEST and Other, Ron. I would do all again in a heartbeat! I'm so glad you chose ME.

The Plus Also Principle

Have you ever been told to "Go the extra mile?" Or have you ever described the generosity of a person by saying, "He'd give you the shirt off his back?" Where do you suppose phrases like these originated? I think they go directly back to Jesus' teaching in his famous Sermon on the Mount where he defines what constitutes "blessing" and "blessed." I highly recommend that you read the whole fifth chapter of Matthew for context when you are able, but I want to remark here on a few points that have been circulating in my head in recent weeks:

1) I must not love only the people who love me. I am commanded to love my enemies, to love and care about strangers. Oh, this goes against everything in us! Consider the familiar story of the Good Samaritan. You know how it goes: There is a man who is traveling that is waylaid by criminals who beat him up, rob him, and leave him for dead along the road. Many "good" guys see him and keep going, not wanting to get involved, until one unimpressive foreigner happens by. He feels compassion. He stops and gives medical attention before bringing the man to today's equivalent of an ER. He nurses him overnight and, when he must continue about his business, he leaves money for someone else to care for him saying, "Whatever more it costs to continue his care, I will pay when I return." Did you notice this story gives no background on the victim? It doesn't tell us if he was innocent and upright or a scoundrel. Maybe he had a reputation for swindling others and was suffering payback from those he'd taken advantage of? Maybe some of the people who passed by him on the road knew who he was and purposely kept going? We don't know. The only focus of the story is on what the Samaritan did. He went the extra mile. He gave more than the shirt off his back. He loved a stranger.

2) I am called to go beyond what is asked or expected. In his sermon, Jesus told the masses that if

someone forces you to go a mile with him, go two. If someone demands your coat, give him your shirt also. This sounds strange. This sounds like a hijacking and robbery! What in the world is he talking about? He is talking about what I call The Plus Also Principle. This is not just an ideal to employ when you find yourself a victim of criminal behavior, but rather a maxim you can act on every day of your life in much more ordinary scenarios: Maybe you are asked to wash the car--go ahead and do it--plus vacuum the floor mats and clean the windows and dash. You are expected to give a ride to an elderly friend--take them to lunch also.Your job is to clear the table--pick up a broom and sweep the floor, too. In what ways can you creatively honor God by giving above and beyond?


3) I need to lay down my life. Jesus said, "No one takes my life, I sacrifice it voluntarily." While we were ENEMIES of God, hating him and not the least bit interested in looking for him, he GAVE his Son.  Lay down my life? I have a hard time laying aside my agenda, my preferences, my momentary comfort for the benefit of someone else before I feel grievously violated. How do you feel when someone takes something that is yours? Do you feel angry? Vengeful? What if you decide that you are releasing it as a gift instead? Would it change how you felt? Which is better; to feel put upon or taken advantage of--or to decide what you are doing/giving is a GIFT and expect nothing in return? What if you loaned money to someone who asked and considered it a gift instead? What if you fed the guy on the street corner without needing a disclosure of how wisely he'd spend your donation? What if you strongly committed to consider the needs of your neighbor as every bit (or more) important than your own? How would this affect our little corner of the planet?

When we behave in this counter-intuitive, reverse-culture manner, we prove that we are Children of our Heavenly Father, and do you know why? WE ARE ACTING LIKE HIM. He gives to the ungrateful constantly. (That would be you.) He rains down continual blessings on those who think they deserve it and those who don't. This, Friends, is how we are Salt for the earth. This is how we are Light for the world. Go. Do. Be.

Photos from Hillcrest Academy's mission trip to the Dominican Republic, Spring 2015

(Matthew 5, Luke 10:25-37, Romans 5:8, John 10:18)

Return to the Garden

The Garden. THOSE were the good ol' days but we never realized it. Those were the days before violence, before hatred and murder, anger and selfishness. There was no doubt, no knowledge of evil. No bloodshed no sickness, no suffering of any kind. All was only good, all the time. But it wasn't enough. We wanted more--more knowledge, more power, more experience, no limits. And so we traded perfection for these: Brokenness, thorns, pain, sadness, death, and the perversion of eve...rything good. The first humans chose this and we continue to choose it--surrounded by all the beauty and glory of God's creation, we choose independence from Him. We choose war and disregard Him who made it all for our good. We treat others, made in His image, worse than animals enslaving and selling children for vile pleasure. How far we've wandered away from the Garden! Claiming to be wise, we've become fools and exchanged the glory of God for corruptible, temporal pursuits! And yet there burns this spark of hope, this sense that things ought not be this way. We long for innocence for our children, safety for our sons and daughters, peace for our souls, a return to beauty. That's what God offers us in Christ--a one way ticket back to The Garden, back to Him. We can look at all that is happening around us and KNOW that we are on our way. This place is not our Home. This is how I am encouraging MYSELF today, June 16, 2015. There is hope, dear friends. There is hope for me and for you, for our children and grandchildren. We cannot fix this ourselves. No amount of cosmetic surgery or propping up of the broken system will make it better. Our job is to be a preservative of the good that remains and a light that points to the Only Solution. He is all. There is nothing else. Come quickly, Lord Jesus

Ordinary June Days

Enjoying this damp, cool morning with 7 year-old Sawyer. We ate strawberries, dewy from our little patch out back and shared some with the chickens who graciously traded warm, smooth eggs. Next we thinned the carrots and spinach rows and fed the excess to the bunnies before checking the rain gauge--three quarters of an inch.

A tall glass of iced tea, the roar of the lawnmower, chicken soup bubbling on the stove, the yeasty smell of bread rising, sheets gently waving from the clothesline

Sipping coffee on the back porch this morning, watching the animals. The cat is laying with her head tucked under the wicker arm of the loveseat watching the chickens. I can see the rapid rise and fall of her rib cage as her breathing quickens with the movement of the birds. She is fascinated, but scared of them (fraidy-cat) and they are nervous (chicken) about her presence. Mimzy's pupils dilate, her tail twitches. The chickens move about the grass, pecking here and there at things I can't see--purring, clucking, and growling at one another. All of a sudden, one of them thinks that the hen on the opposite side of the yard has found something good and races across the lawn, wings poised for take-off that never comes. False alarm. Heart rates return to normal. Time for a second cuppa coffee

Ahhhh...the end of a perfectly ORDINARY day. The sun is soft, casting lengthening shadows on the freshly clipped lawn. The ceiling fan is singing it's own lopsided song over my head and I can see the platties and mollies in the aquarium next to me darting about, ever hopeful that I'll sprinkle food their way. The smell of grilled salmon lingers, mixed with the heavy scent of cut flowers. My shoulders are tired, in a good way, after a routine day of puttering about. I am thank...ful for a house to clean, a yard to groom, and strength to work. Tonight I will wash my dirty feet in the tub before I flop onto crisp sheets and a billowy down comforter edged in eyelet. A box fan will blow the cool evening air through the window filling the bedroom with a perfect sleeping temperature. Mimzy will stretch out, fluffy tummy-side-up at the foot of the bed. I can relax as darkness falls, knowing that God is at work on my behalf--morning, noon, and night. I am secure in the shadow of the wings of the Almighty.

"God provides for His own. It is pointless to get up early, work hard, and go to bed late anxiously laboring for food to eat; for God provides for those He loves, even while they are sleeping." Psalm 127:2 (The Voice)

Too Busy

There are two phrases I plan to completely eliminate from my vocabulary this summer. 1) I'm so tired, and 2) I'm so busy. When I talk about being tired, it makes me MORE tired. When I tell people I am SO BUSY they probably feel as irritated as I feel when they tell me the same thing. You know what? We are ALL busy. Whatever. Fact: We are TOO busy. Here's an idea--what can you cut out of your schedule this summer? What sport can you NOT sign your kid up for? What volunteering ...can you take a break from? How about if you plan for some blank days on your calendar? Don't tell me you can't. The world will not stop turning if you pause to catch your breath, I promise. What if you stopped to smell the roses every day? What if you sat on the sidewalk and watched ants? What if you threw a blanket on the grass and read to the kids or just closed your eyes and listened to them play? When was the last time you watched clouds? Stayed in your jammies and drank coffee all morning? Listened to the birds singing while you painted your toenails on the back steps? Life is full of MOMENTS. Moments that tick by so fast we don't ever notice them until they become hours and days, weeks and years. And all we do is run from one thing to another telling everyone how tired and busy we are. STOP. Just stop. Shhhhhh...quiet your little soul today. Be present. Be aware of the world and your tiny little part in it. Breathe. There is rest for you in this crazy world. But first, you must want it. Quit wearing your Badge of Busyness like it's an honorable calling. Let's humble our prideful hearts and choose the better thing.

Sunday's Here!!

Sunday's here! The grave is empty--Jesus is RISEN! This is the season in the church when we celebrate the greatest act of love in history. The past couple of days, I have been thinking a lot about "the holy catholic church," the universal body of believers. So often we extol individuality--even in our personal relationships with Jesus--and while that is certainly important, I think there is something we lose sight of in our independent western culture: Corporate faith, collec
tive faith, the fact that "Wherever two or three are gathered in My name, there I am there in the midst." (Matthew 18:20) We can and must have our own private, intimate fellowship with God. But we can't deny the fact that something supernatural happens when we come together with others who believe.

Before he ascended to heaven, Jesus wanted more of Peter than he had been giving up to this point. He asked him, "Do you love me? Then feed my sheep." (John 21) Maturing faith is never just about me. It is about US. Just as my hand can't tell my eye, "I have no need of you," neither can I dismiss others who claim the name of Jesus. I have seen Jesus in Presbyterians from Nigeria, Lutherans from Norway, Mennonites from Florida. I have seen him in Catholics from Pennsylvania, Baptists from Washington, and Charismatics from Korea. I have seen him in Brethren from India, Dutch Reformed from Minneapolis, and Pentecostals from Missouri. There is One Event which all Christian faith centers on: The Resurrection of Jesus Christ. Without the resurrection, all faith and hope is pointless. Without the resurrection our brief lives here are futile, filled with inexplicable pain--the suffering of loved ones with cancer, the sudden death of a child, endless woe and misery and struggle. But He AROSE! I believe it. And I draw energy from those of you who believe it, too. No, we don't have every answer to all the whys in our world, but we know the One who does.
Great men and women down through history have died waiting for the Promise of His Coming. And now you and I wait with them--old men, grandmothers, young parents, teenagers and toddlers from every nation, tribe, and tongue. We join together on Easter to remind ourselves--and the world--that this is not our home. That Jesus has gone before to prepare a place for us beyond our wildest imaginations. That, where HE is, we will be also. A place of no tears, no sickness, no suffering. Because He lives, there is strength to live lives of purpose, focusing on the goal that lies ahead. Easter's message of hope is for us and for all who are far off that will yet believe because of our stories of faith. Won't you tell yours?

Saturday's Silence

Waiting. Silence. Guilt and Sadness. This is what Saturday felt like to all those who loved Jesus. Had yesterday really happened, or was it all a bad dream? But no, the ones who had taken down the body of Jesus and carried it to the tomb still had his dried blood staining their robes. They who had heard him cry, "My God, my God--why have you forsaken me?" could not block out the memory still ringing in their ears. How had this ended so terribly? Weren't they just walking alon...g the road with Jesus, basking in his growing popularity, feeling honored that THEY were the ones he had chosen to follow him? How could they have abandoned him, still cowering in secret--afraid for their lives? Surely they were dismayed to see Peter--their fearless leader--broken and despondent, wrestling with his public denial. They had no doubt heard what had become of Judas and maybe some thought he had chosen the only way out. We know the story and what happens next. But they did not.

Have you ever found yourself in this place of waiting in the face of God's silence? An earthquake has ripped apart your life (your health, your family) and you think you can never recover--things will never be good again. You pray, but you feel your prayers rise to deaf ears or bounce off the ceiling. You doubt if God is there, if he hears you, if he cares. And yet we KNOW that things were happening that Saturday after the crucifiction. Jesus descended into hell and took the keys of hell and death, triumphing over his enemies and making a mockery of them. (Colossian 2:13-15) His dying words, "It is finished," meant he had successfully delivered the blow God had promised the serpent way back in the garden of Eden; "[Adam's] seed will crush your head." Satan may have celebrated on Friday, but he didn't laugh for long.
Whatever you may be going through today, know this: God is near. He is aware, he is paying attention, he KNOWS. And though you may not see it or feel it, he is busy on your behalf. Can you rest today? Can you take advantage of the Sabbath given to you and just rest? Times come when we are told, "...having done all to stand..." to continue to simply STAND. Stand and see the salvation of our Lord who has defeated the ultimate enemy, who has all authority in heaven and earth, and who loved you SO MUCH he died for you. Sunday is coming, Sweet Friend. Just you wait!

How to Put More HAPPY in Your Life

Casual observations by an ordinary girl. This was originally published as a series of Facebook posts.

How to Put More HAPPY in Your Life, Part 1: VOLUNTEER. That's right--work somewhere for free. Think of a cause that really matters to you, maybe it's animals--visit your local Humane Society and see what you can do to help. Pet the kitties, walk the dogs, become a pet foster family or rescue home for your favorite breed. Are you fond of elderly people? Check with your local Senior Center or Veteran's Home. Maybe you can spend a few hours a week playing chess with a lonely person, help write a letter, read a book. Do you love babies? Every single church in town would jump for joy if you volunteered for the nursery once a month. Do you have a special skill or hobby that you could share with children? Talk to someone with Community Ed and see if you can teach a class, or volunteer in an elementary class and read to/listen to budding readers. Volunteers are needed to weed city flower beds, help out at the hospital, take meals to shut-ins. Check with the library or nursing homes about reading to the blind. Sign up to teach Sunday school or lead a cub scout troop. Help make birdhouses or pull invasive weeds at Prairie Wetlands. Make plans to go on your church's next short-term missions trip instead of merely writing a check. Every single one of us has gifts and talents that we can share with others. And we all have far more to give than we realize. I am totally convinced that our personal levels of happiness are directly proportionate to how much we do for and consider others. Think about it--what do you have to give? Verse for the day is Philippians 2:3-4: "Don't act out of selfish ambition or be conceited. Instead, humbly think of others as being better than yourselves. Don't be concerned only about your own interests, but also be concerned about the interests of others."

How to Put More HAPPY in Your Life, Part 2: Love your job. Okay, more realistically find the parts you can love and love em' hard. It's important to consider a few key points before you dismiss what I'm saying. You're right, I don't know your boss, I don't know your situation. But I am happy to announce that the days of slavery in this country are over. Whatever excuses you may make, you don't have to stay in a job that is making you miserable. So first, let us establish that you're in your job because you CHOOSE to be. This is huge. The ability to work is a gift. Don't spend 40+ hours of your week waiting for it to be over. Second, most jobs involve some type of service whether you are bagging groceries or prosecuting criminals, or healing the sick. Take a real look at the people you are helping. You have the power to brighten their day and make their load a little bit lighter. How about your coworkers--do you realize you have the ability to make your workplace better? Bake some brownies or pick up donuts for the workroom. Use words to encourage and praise the people you work with. Do a little EXTRA, more than you are asked, of whatever you are required, Third, know that all work has dignity and worth. You could be changing diapers and wiping running noses, or you could be climbing ladders to repair wind towers. Know that you are contributing to parts of a whole and you are divinely positioned to touch lives no one else will. Finally, remember who your real Boss is: "Work with enthusiasm, as though you were working for the Lord rather than for people." Ephesians 6:7

How to Put More HAPPY in Your Life, Part 3: Commit random acts of kindness. I promise this is an instant day brightener both to YOU and the person to whom you show kindness. I have seen friends who are so creative with this. One friend made a double meal once a week. Her family ate one meal and the other was given away--not necessarily to someone who was ill or had just had a baby--but to any friend she thought could just use the treat of not having to make dinner. I've seen people who pay restaurant bills for strangers, or pay for the person behind them at coffee shop windows. I have another friend who has a good deed she does once a year: She takes a day off work and sits in a parking lot with a twenty dollar bill until she sees a person she feels prompted to give it to. Sometimes this ritual is over in minutes, sometimes she waits hours. But every single time, she's gone away excited about being able to be good to someone. Just yesterday, I read about a friend whose little boy saw a homeless man out the window of a restaurant. He wrapped up his entire untouched meal and brought it out to the man and gave it to him and prayed for him. Random acts of kindness are contagious. Kindness begets kindness. Will you join me today in looking around for people to bless? Verse for the day: Proverbs 3:27, "Do not withhold good from those who need it, when you have the ability to help. :

How to Put More HAPPY in Your Life, Part 4: Slow Down. I am sad that society has taught us that to relax is bad. It is not enough that we get a To Do List and do tasks, we are applauded when we MULTI-task. WITH a cell phone in our hands, WHILE real humans are talking to us and/or hanging off our legs. Does anyone else see the insanity here? Our children are learning from us: It is never okay to be still. To wait in a grocery line is unthinkable. Traffic is to be cursed. People who text us are the most important people in the world and must be answered immediately--even if we are driving. Why are we so harried? Why have we forgotten how to relax? We overbook and double book ourselves on our calendars and smart phones. There is a "plan" from the minute we get up in the morning until we fall into bed at night. There is no room for play, no room for interruptions, no room to think and BE. Let's be honest and admit--this is the treadmill we run on. Yet Jesus praises Mary for choosing the best thing. He implores us to consider the flowers and the birds that God cares for and reminds us how much more valuable we are than they! It isn't possible for every day to be a weekend or a vacation. There may be things you can cross off your To Do List, but often such restfulness and peace must begin in our heads. Slow down your thoughts. Breathe. Notice. BE. Verse for the day: Psalm 46:10, "Be still and know that I am God..."

How to Put More HAPPY in Your Life, Part 5: SIMPLIFY. This applies to each and every aspect of our lives. We need to cut back, pare down, and reduce excess. We all just have too much STUFF, too many things that weigh us down. We are bursting at the seams with possessions and slaves to our own schedules. Who can stop this madness? Who can save me from myself?! I learned something valuable in my early twenties as Ron and I spent several months living in a 24 ft camper in Florida with two little girls. We had very little and what we did had to be organized and fit into small, limited spaces. But I discovered it was surprisingly easy to keep our "home" clean because we had to! I have also noticed another phenomenon each time we have moved to a new house: (And these moves have been plentiful.) Before we would move, we purged our possessions mercilessly to cut down on having to lug so much around. I'd set up the new place with the basics as quickly as possible and oh, how I loved the lack of clutter those first couple weeks! Then I would remember the garage/basement/storage spaces where the REST of our belongings waited to be unpacked and I would lament, "WHY do we have all that STUFF when we are living right now with ALL WE NEED!" I am a far cry from an episode of "Hoarders" but I still have closets and drawers, cabinets and bins FULL of stuff I never use. Now let's talk about our messy lives. This one is harder. If there is one thing that I struggle with (and there are many) the worst is moderation. But why is that? When is enough enough: Enough sleep, enough to eat, enough "me" time, enough computer/TV time, enough shopping? What am I really saying with all these gluttonies? That I don't know how to tell myself "no?" That I don't trust God to provide the things I really need? Think about how this might apply to you and what you can you do to streamline your life. Think about your house, your vehicles, your busyness, your kids' activities. Let's take a good look at our lives and simplify as an act of faith! Verses for the day: "“So I tell you to stop worrying about what you will eat, drink, or wear. Isn’t life more than food and the body more than clothes? Look at the birds. They don’t plant, harvest, or gather the harvest into barns. Yet, your heavenly Father feeds them. Aren’t you worth more than they? Can any of you add a single hour to your life by worrying? And why worry about clothes? Notice how the flowers grow in the field. They never work or spin yarn for clothes. But I say that not even Solomon in all his majesty was dressed like one of these flowers. That’s the way God clothes the grass in the field. Today it’s alive, and tomorrow it’s thrown into an incinerator. So how much more will he clothe you people who have so little faith?" Matthew 6:25-30

How to Put More HAPPY in Your Life, Part 6: KEEP IT POSITIVE! In my life I have known people who thought they had the Ministry of Correction and/or the Gift of Criticism. I have avoided these people like the plague and vowed to root out these weeds in my own life whenever they popped up. It does not take genius to find fault. Sarcasm is the cheapest kind of humor. Don't be the person who gets laughs at the expense of someone else. It is lower nature to point out flaws. Train yourself to look for the positive. Start small. Tell yourself, "It is good to wait in traffic so I can finish this radio program I'm listening to." Later you can work up to bigger things like, "At least the tree fell on the car and not the house!" It's not about having a Doris Day, "Que Sera, Sera" attitude. It's about REFRAMING your situation. It can pretty much always be worse. Look for the silver lining. You be the patient, cheerful person in a roomful of grumps. Learn to use humor when you face challenges. Do you think God gets all worked up when things seem crazy? Is he ever worried or fearful or intimidated? I love the story of David's confidence before the giant Goliath, how he RUNS toward his enemy armed with just a sling and stone as the rest of the army shakes in their armor. And of Caleb who silences the Israelites saying, "We are well able to conquer the land," when everyone around him was trembling in fear. We serve a BIG GOD who has made us more than conquerors. Why would we shrink back and wallow in insecurity? Verse for the day: Ephesians 3:20 "Glory belongs to God, whose power is at work in us. By this power he can do infinitely more than we can ask or imagine." Partnered with God? We got this!

How to Put More HAPPY in Your Life, Part 7: COUNT YOUR BLESSINGS. One parenting tool we used when a couple of our kids were younger and feeling especially ungrateful was to assign them the task of going to their rooms and staying there until they could come out with a long list of things they were thankful for. I wished we had used that exercise more often, and not just as a punishment. Thankfulness does not come naturally wired into our little hearts. It is the first phrase we teach our children and remind them to use it for at least a decade or two. "Say THANK YOU...: we prompt, hoping the child eventually learns to say it on their own. The best way to teach thankfulness is to model it, so friends---sharpen those pencils and make your list. If you're having a hard time starting, write "I am thankful I have breath" and work from there. Thankful people are HAPPY people. And the good news is thankfulness is a skill we can learn because, as I said, we are not born full of gratitude. We all have to learn. Saying THANK YOU is, by nature, an act of humility. We are acknowledging that we don't have all we need in ourselves--that we depend on others to provide for us what we can't provide for ourselves. So sometimes, it is hard to say. But being thankful and giving thanks is probably the greatest key to happiness. What do you have to be thankful for today? Verse, 1 Thessalonians 5:18: "Whatever happens, give thanks, because it is God's will in Christ Jesus that you do this."

How to Put More HAPPY in Your Life, Part 8: LIGHTEN UP. That's right, LAUGH. No one else takes you as seriously as you do. I remember a day when my kids were small. I left the oldest, who around 12, in charge of siblings who were 3 and 5 while I walked two blocks in our small town to get the mail. Before I left, I loaded the dishwasher and added a free sample of dish soap that someone had given me and pushed start. When I came home a half hour later, it was to the sight of two children sliding through soap bubbles six inches deep on the kitchen floor. Foam was still oozing out the sides of the dishwasher and they were bubbling over with laughter. I had not realized there was a difference between dishwasher soap and dish soap and all I could see was a huge mess. I am quite certain there was a good deal of shouting and anger that day, though I laugh now and wish I had reacted differently--joined them in a suds-fight and taken pictures. What's happening in your life today that you might laugh about in ten years? Why not laugh now? Remember what I said the other day about "re-framing?" Listen to what you tell yourself when things do not go as planned. Be careful not to awful-ize everything. Learn to laugh at yourself. Others already are. Join them. Be quick to point out the silliness of your own thinking, the humor in the unexpected. Very few things are really as big of a deal as you think. Verse for the day, Proverbs 17:22: "A joyful heart is good medicine, but depression drains one's strength."

How to Put More HAPPY in Your Life, Part 9: Forgive your parents. I wish that God gave children to mature, confident people who have their lives together, but he doesn't. Children come to young people with issues. These young people may or may not be finished with school and undecided about their futures. They may be struggling to find a career path, barely living from paycheck to paycheck. There might be tension in their marriage, arguing about the budget and spending, about in-laws, friends. They may be battling chronic illness or addictions. Maybe they never observed good parenting modeled as children and don't have a clue what to do with that role themselves. To small children, parents are all-knowing, all-powerful deities. But as kids get older, their parents' feet of clay are revealed. Here is where comparisons/judgments begin. The parents, now much older, may look nothing like the baby-faced, fledglings they once were and they become easy targets for enlightened offspring. Adulthood is the time to apply grace. If your parents let you down, if they weren't all that you needed them to be, get over it. Let go of the hurts and disappointments of the past and learn to see your parents through new eyes. You are a Big Girl/Boy now. Take responsibility for your own life and parenting experience without blaming generations before you. Then cross your fingers and hope that your children will one day extend the same grace they see you showing now. Verses for the day, Ephesians 6:2-3. “Honor your father and mother”—which is the first commandment with a promise—“so that it may go well with you and that you may enjoy long life on the earth.”

How to Put More HAPPY in Your Life, Part 10: CREATE FUN. Dig deep and find the child within--invite her out to play more often. If you have forgotten how to play, spend some time with children and they will remind you. A few days ago, my teenage daughter texted me to see if I had any ideas for what to do on a dreary, rainy day with the two little girls she was babysitting. I noted that there was no thunder or lightning and suggested, "Put them in their swimsuits and rain boots and take them out to play in puddles." She did, and the girls declared it "the best day EVER." Fun can be had anywhere, if you just use a little imagination. Waiting can be awful, or it can be a game. A dear friend of mine has two boys with chronic health issues that necessitate frequent long days of medical testing and procedures. But she never ceases to find JOY in those days with her sons. They wear fun hats, stay at hotels, play games, take pictures as though they are on vacation. If someone can make being SICK look like fun, what is your excuse? Another friend likes to use any event as a reason to celebrate--first day back at school, last day of school, lost tooth, found library books--you get the idea. You can bring out the good dishes and candles for a passing grade in algebra, a new driving permit, a whole week of no nail-biting. Make chores a game--a contest with silly prizes--and watch the eyes of your littles light up. Life does not have to be a drudgery. Look for ways to PLAY and watch your Happy Meter rise! Verse for the day, Psalm 100:2. "Serve the Lord cheerfully. Come into his presence with a joyful song."

How to Have Healthy Relationships

Casual observations by an ordinary girl, originally published as a series of Facebook posts.

How to Have Healthy Relationships, Part 1: Stop being so opinionated! It's very simple, really. Everyone does not have to think exactly like you. What do you care if the couple down the street just had their 8th child in 8 years? Are they expecting you to babysit or buy diapers? Then relax and congratulate them! Why does it matter if your brother is sending his children to public/private/keeping-them-home-from school? Will his choice make or break any established system? Do you really feel so strongly about breastfeeding, GMO foods, recycling, church doctrine/denomination/attendance, and dandelion-free lawns that you will alienate people to honor your convictions? Seek to find common ground with your family, friends, and neighbors. You don't have to be a spineless chameleon waffling around with no thought of your own. If it is not illegal or immoral, do whatever you want and keep quiet about it. All of life is not a competition. Learn to use phrases like, "Good for you!" and "That is certainly one way to look at things," or at the very least this non-threatening phrase, "Wow--that's different!" The world does not have to be such a snarky, abrasive place. Verse for the day: "As much as it is possible, live in peace with everyone." Romans 12:18

How to Have Healthy Relationships, Part 2: Admit you don't know everything. When we act like we know-it-all we'll eventually trip ourselves up because we are flying high without a net. The inevitable crash that ensues is often public. Have you ever been out walking in the world and stumbled and/or fallen? What is the first thing you do? Look around to see who saw you! Tripping up in arrogance works the same way: You are headed for a fall and people around you know it and are waiting. Endeavor to adopt a humble, teachable spirit. Train yourself to get down on a child's level and say things like, "That is so interesting! I never thought of that before," and "No, I don't know what that means. Can you tell me more?" There is nothing attractive or endearing about people who think they can't learn anything new. Revive a sense of wonder in your heart and see what happens in your relationships with others! Verse for the day: "Pride goes before disaster, and an arrogant attitude precedes a fall." Proverbs 16:18

How to Have Healthy Relationships, Part 3: Give someone the gift of your complete attention. This has become a scarcity in our world. We are so obsessed with the gadgets we hold in our hands we forget about real things like eye contact, the human voice, and body language. When a loved one is talking to you, stop what you are doing. Ignore your phone. Face the speaker and focus on what is being said, and maybe what isn't. Don't let your eyes wander and become distracted by others in the room. Calm your little heart down for five minutes and really listen. Nod, smile, resist the temptation to let your mind sneak off to compose what you will say next. Curb the "need" to one-up every story you hear or use it as a springboard to segue into your favorite subject. Learn to ask good questions that don't have simple yes or no answers. It's amazing how such simple, intentional actions can make a person feel loved, valued, heard. Verses for the Day: "My dear brothers and sisters, take note of this: Everyone should be quick to listen, slow to speak and slow to become angry, for man's anger does not bring about the righteous life that God desires." James 1:19-20

How to Have Healthy Relationships, Part 4: Give courage. The world is a big and scary place. The TV, internet, and Iphones bombard us with a steady news stream of school shootings, terrorist attacks, war, killer tornadoes, wild fires, abductions, child abuse, earthquakes, and antibiotic resistant bugs and we are constantly tempted to fear. In our homes we wrestle with work stress, unpaid bills, chronic illness, divorce, infertility, chemical abuse, aging parents, wayward children. Secretly we battle discouragement, hopelessness, depression, and anxiety over so many threats--real and imagined. Every person you meet today is facing some sort of challenge: The person in front of you in the grocery line, the boy riding bike past your house, the guy who flipped you off at the 4-way stop. Your mechanic, your hair dresser, the teenager on her cell phone at the library. Closer to home your loved ones are struggling: Your grandmother, your sister-in-law, your nephew, your spouse. Yet, there is something you can do, something you can give them--it's called COURAGE--or more commonly, enCOURAGEment. The spirit of fear is not from God. He has filled us so that we can show calm assurance in the midst of storms, we can draw others into a peaceful embrace. We can smooth ruffled feathers, soothe fearful hearts with our presence and our faith-filled words. "Now is not the time to panic." "Let me pray with you." "I am WITH you--we are well able to meet this difficulty." "God is BIGGER." Be ready to dispense this gift of courage whenever you have opportunity. There are far too few cheerleaders in the world. Pick up those pompons and root for your team! Verses: 1 Thess. 5:11, "Therefore, encourage each other and strengthen one another as you are doing." And Romans 14:19, "And now, let us run after peace and after building one another up."

How to Have Healthy Relationships, Part 5: Realize the only person you can change is YOU. We all have challenging people in our lives--and perhaps WE are the difficult person in someone else's life? Counseling offices are filled with people who are seeking ways to improve their relationships, often hoping the other person will get with the program and shape up. How many times have you sat listening to a sermon and thought, "So-and-so really needs to hear this!" instead of examining your own heart? It is so easy to see how others are screwing up. And yet, in my own life, I have found that some of the behaviors/attitudes that bug me the most are those I SHARE. How awful, right? So before I am too quick to judge, I need to pick up a mirror and take a good long look! I believe that no one is in our lives by accident. God selects people to love and mentor us but also to sand away at our rough edges and sharpen our character. Do you believe this? Then thank God not only for the people you love, but those you find hard to love knowing that these are often His instruments of change in our lives. It is not our responsibility to see that THEY change, but to cooperate with our loving Savior as He seeks to form us more and more into His own image. Verses for today: "For you will be treated as you treat others. The standard you use in judging is the standard by which you will be judged. And why worry about a speck in your friend's eye when you have a log in your own?" Matthew 7:3-4

How to Have Healthy Relationships, Part 6: Set loving boundaries. Up until now, I bet you thought I was suggesting you continually roll over and turn the other cheek with all the people in your life. Well, now I'm telling you that LOVE sets LIMITS. We must constantly be on guard that we are not turning our loved ones into idols that we must serve/please at all costs, even to our own ruin. As Christians, our goal is to please an Audience of One. That means we must seek first His kingdom and will for our lives and this may often run counter to what others want for us. When this happens, what do we do? Go with God, speak the truth in love, and let the chips fall where they may. Remember earlier I shared the verse, "As far as it is up to you, be at peace with everyone?" Well, sometimes this peace-maintaining is not up to you and your loved one may be unhappy with and/or vocal about your choices. There are even times when the relationship becomes toxic and then you need to proceed with caution. For example, I deplore the use of chemicals on our lawn but they are the only thing that keeps our yard from being overtaken by creeping charlie. Though it does serve a valuable function, I don't have to BATHE in it! A little bit goes a long way. And that is how it is with some people. It would be unwise for you to expose yourself to large doses of these folks. You don't have to be at war, or turn them into enemies. Just set limits on how much time you will spend together, and how influential you will allow their voices to be in your life. Realize that by setting limits with them, and speaking truth in a respectful manner, you are contributing to work that God wants to do in both of you. Be aware that the conflict you are experiencing is not really about what it might appear. Don't lose sight of who your real Enemy is. Verse for the day: "This is not a wrestling match against a human opponent. We are wrestling with rulers, authorities, the powers who govern this world of darkness, and spiritual forces that control evil in the heavenly world." Ephesians 6:12

How to Have Healthy Relationships, Part 7: Live Forgivingly. People you love will hurt you--often and sometimes deeply. The fact that we hold these loved ones in such high esteem, trust, and value their position in our lives only makes the damage that much worse. Actions occur and words are spoken that wound us--cutting at our hearts in ways no casual acquaintance ever could. We feel betrayed, unappreciated, misunderstood. Knowing this in advance helps us prepare for the offenses that will most certainly come. Become familiar with assuming your own share of the blame (remember the speck and the plank) and practice saying things like, "I'm so sorry," and "Will you forgive me?" Then, if the other person is so gracious as to follow suit be quick to say "I forgive you," NOT, "It's okay," because it probably isn't. Extend forgiveness whether an apology is verbalized or not. Holding onto hurt does untold damage in your mind and your body. Teach yourself to take thoughts captive. Once you've committed to forgive, refuse to entertain thoughts to the contrary. Resist the urge to recite the story to anyone who will listen--as well as refusing the offense air time in the privacy of your own head. Remind yourself of how much you have been forgiven and ask God to help you extend that same kind of grace. Who but Jesus understands better the pain of undeserved mistreatment? Verse for the day, Colossians 3:13, "Make allowance for each other's faults, and forgive anyone who offends you. Remember, the Lord forgave you, so you must forgive others."

I thought I was done, for now, with my mini-series exhortation on relationships. But something happened that made me want to add a PS. We were on our way out to the lake yesterday morning, merrily traveling down Hwy 1. I was turned in my seat talking to passengers in the back of our mini-van when I heard Ron say, "Uh-oh...hang on!" He slammed on the brakes and swerved into the left lane and I turned my head to see the bumper of a red car looming in the windshield. Two cars were stopped dead in front of us without warning. We barely missed the red car, but a tan car ahead of it was turning left. Ron veered the van to the right again just as the red car decided to follow the tan car in a left turn: No looking back in mirrors, no signal of their intentions--completely unaware of our presence--just turning. Ron stepped on the gas and, somehow, managed to shoot BETWEEN both turning cars and onto the shoulder without rolling in the ditch on the left, and got us back onto the right side of the road. We were all shaken. I don't think either of the other vehicles even saw us until we loomed between them, so intent were they on finding the perfect entry to the river for tubing. Ron manuevered our mini-van like a Hollywood stunt guy. We were breathless that we missed both cars and did not have incoming traffic in the oncoming lane. How quickly life can change in an instant! My relationship advice to you today is this: Number your days. None of us is guaranteed tomorrow. Live intentionally. Live in the moment. Appreciate the people around you and let them know how much you love them. Verses for the day: Psalm 103:14-17 [The Lord] knows how weak we are; He remembers we are only dust. Our days on earth are like grass; like wildflowers, we bloom and die.The wind blows, and we are gone—as though we had never been here. But the love of the Lord remains forever with those who fear him. His salvation extends to the children’s children

Cornmeal Encrusted Fish Tacos with Chipotle Lime Slaw

Looking for the perfect blend of crunchy, citrusy, and savory? Here is fish with a southwestern kick--full of the freshness of cilantro and the zing of lime, a touch of salty goodness all wrapped up in sweet corn tortillas. A fiesta on a plate!


Slaw:
1 pkg shredded cabbage for cole slaw
1 c mayo
juice from 1/2 a lime
2 T of chipotle peppers with adobo sauce*
2 T toasted cumin seed

Blend mayo, lime juice, and 2 T pepper/sauce in food processor until smooth. Pour over cabbage. Toast cumin seed in dry frying pan until aroma is released. Add to slaw. Set aside.

1 lb frozen cod fillets
1 c flour
2 eggs
1/2 c milk
2 cups cornflake crumbs

2 cups cooking oil, Crisco, or a combination of both

Slice cod fillets in thin strips, lengthwise. It is easier to get thin slices if the fish is slightly frozen.  To prepare the fish, you will need three shallow pans--I use pie plates. Put one cup of flour into the first plate and season with salt and pepper. To the next plate, add two beaten eggs with milk. The third plate will contain just the cornflake crumbs. Set up an assembly line for yourself dipping each piece of fish into the flour, egg, and crumbs and then pile them onto a plate at the end until you're ready to fry. It helps, in this operation, if you use only one hand so you have one hand free from the mess. When the fish is done, it can sit a bit while you make sure everything else is ready. Heat oil/fat until sizzling. Carefully add pieces of fish, a half dozen or so at a time, flipping after about two minutes. The fish is so thin it cooks quickly. You are mainly wanting to crisp up the breading. Drain fish on paper towels.

corn or flour tortillas
chopped cilantro
sour cream
lime wedges

To assemble, put 2-3 pieces of the fried fish onto a tortilla. Top with slaw and lots of cilantro and a squeeze of lime, if you wish. Chopped tomato or avocado would also be nice.

*chipotle peppers in adobo sauce come in a 7 oz can found in the ethnic section of the grocery

Spanish Rice & Black Beans

i/2 green pepper, chopped

1 med onion, chopped 

1 c uncooked rice

1/4 c oil

Cook peppers, onions, and rice in oil until onions are soft and rice is browned. 

1 t prepared mustard

1 t salt

1/4 t pepper

1 small can tomato paste

2 c hot water

2-4 of the chipotle peppers (chopped) and sauce left from slaw (to taste)

Bring to a boil, cover and simmer for 25 minutes. The last 5 minutes, stir in 

1 can black beans, drained

1 c frozen corn

Seedtime and Harvest

Picture yourself today as a farmer planting seeds. You are planting the old-fashioned way--broadcasting seed with a flip of the wrist out over a waiting field. Some seeds fall near you, some far away. The bag over your shoulder is heavy with seed and all day long you walk and cast seeds, walk and cast. Seeds fly away from you as though they have a mind of their own, when you are standing, when you are sitting, quiet or talking, seeds leave your hand and cover the ground for miles. 

In reality, this is precisely what's happening at this very moment whether you are aware of it or not. You are a sower, and you are sowing seeds. Seeds are tiny bits of potential. Once released, they nestle into the soil, and they grow. Pay attention to the seeds you are sowing because you will reap a harvest of whatever you plant. Are you planting bitterness, unforgiveness, worry, anger, or discord? Are you planting hope, healing, faith, and kindness? How do you even know what you're planting? Key: Pay attention to the words that come out of your mouth. Your speech reveals what your heart is filled with. Nothing you say is neutral, it all matters, all seeds grow into something after its own kind. You have been blessed so you can be a blessing--Happy Harvesting!

^"And God is able to bless you abundantly, so that in all things at all times, having all that you need, you will abound in every good work. As it is written:

                 “They have freely scattered their gifts to the poor;
                   their righteousness endures forever.”

 Now he who supplies seed to the sower and bread for food will also supply and increase your store of seed and will enlarge the harvest of your righteousness. You will be enriched in every way so that you can be generous on every occasion, and through us your generosity will result in thanksgiving to God." 2 Corinthians 9:8-11

Count it All Joy

I am thankful for trials. Ouch. It hurt me just to type that. Who is thankful for hardship? Who wants struggles and challenges? Who needs that? I do. And so do you.

Trials, all by themselves, do not produce character, but they certainly expose it. Someone explained it to me this way once, "You can tell what's in a container when it's bumped." What spills out of you when you get jostled, knocked over?

It's good to practice with the small stuff--since that's what comprises the majority of our angst in life: Someone cuts you off in traffic, or the grocery line. The Bozo in the truck ahead of you has a green light but he just keeps sitting there on his cell phone. The dog shredded the trash all over the kitchen and dining room. Your toddler has diarrhea all the way from his socks to his eyebrows...and you forget to buy wipes...and you are at a restaurant. Your boss has failed to notice all the extra work you've been putting in and refuses to allow the time off you requested for a family gathering. Your neighbor can't seem to remember when his yard ends and your yard begins. How do you respond? (And yes, these are all real life examples from my life.) Do you lay on the horn? Do you rant out loud or in your head at the stupidity and injustice of it all?

How about the big stuff? What comes out of your heart through your mouth when the house doesn't sell and you know you can't afford two mortgages? How about when the specialists run thousands of dollars worth of tests and they still don't know what's wrong with you? Or when budget cuts mean you are out of a job? What happens when the doctor looks at your loved one and says, "I'm sorry...there's nothing more we can do." What then?

In Life's big and small trials, we learn things about ourselves. We learn that we are not as tough or as smart and self-sufficient as we'd like to think. We find that we are frail, emotionally and physically. We don't have what it takes. When we reach the end of our rope, we look up--we look for help. Trials put us in a position to admit our need for God. That is the goal of suffering. In the humble state of our neediness, God gives grace. Embracing our weakness, God shows Himself strong. When we are ridiculous enough to show JOY in hardship, God imparts strength to us that causes us to develop ENDURANCE. When we train ourselves to stand and face trials joyfully, not consumed by searching for a shortcut out of them, but actually permit our Father to work THROUGH them IN us for His good purposes, we grow. We mature. We become complete, lacking nothing.

Oh, the rewards--the benefits--of learning grace under fire, joy in trials, courage in adversity! Think back on a season in your own life when something you thought would finish you made you stronger in your faith. Is there Someone you should thank?

Portraits of Love

Night falls early in Minnesota's winters. I am fifteen, standing outside with a boy who is two years older than me. He is wearing a denim jacket with a fleece collar, patched blue jeans, and army surplus boots. A navy stocking cap is pulled down over his ears. Snow falls thickly within the circle of a nearby streetlight. It floats down in exaggerated feathery masses, muting sound, suspending time. Showy flakes collect on the boy's lashes and blond curls that hang below his cap. His white teeth flash, his blue eyes twinkle as he kicks snow onto my boot, laughing, teasing. He leans in then, and kisses me full on the lips. He has never kissed a girl before. I have never been kissed. There is an awkward clash of noses, a rush of combined warmth, and it is over. I look down, feeling the heat still on my face and the pounding of my heart. The breath that I've been holding escapes in a cloud of frozen vapor and we laugh again. Surely, this is love!

With the last of my strength, I push. There is the sensation of pressure and tearing, followed by a slippery gush of liquid and heat. I collapse, sweating and shaking, against the pillows behind me as the cries of an indignant newborn fill the small room. I cry, big salty tears of exhaustion and relief. Through a blur I see the swaddled baby they lay in my arms. Eyes wide open, she stares at this bright new world she's entered. Her hair is plastered against the ridges of her scalp, streaked with my blood. She curls her wrinkled fist around my finger and I marvel at her tiny blue fingernails, her perfect lips, and her smooth-as-butter skin. For months I have felt her kicking and turning, waking and hiccuping inside me and now--the familiar stranger and I meet. Hello, Sweetheart--I'm your mommy!" I whisper. Surely, this is love!

The room is eerily quiet except for the sound of her labored breathing. My Gram, best friend of my childhood, confidante of my adolescence, cheerleader of my young adulthood, is dying. I lean my head against the rail of her bed, feel the coolness of metal on my cheek. I trace the familiar veins on the back of her hand with my finger. Her breath comes in rattling inconsistency. I find the air in short supply for my own lungs and wonder how I will ever continue breathing once she stops. My dad stands on the opposite side of the bed holding her other hand. "It's okay, Mom...you can go...we'll be fine," he tells her in a voice thick with grief. And the two of us, her only son and first grandchild, walk her to the gate. We remove the rings from her hands, tuck the sheet tighter around her thin shoulders, and weep. Surely, this is love!

A man hangs naked and bleeding on a crude beam of wood suspended from a post in the ground.  His hands and feet are pierced through with cruel spikes that hold him to a torturous death. Dark clouds roll overhead and it begins to rain. Gasping, straining for a painful breath, he looks down at his tormentors and prays, "Father, forgive them. They don't realize what they are doing." This man, beaten beyond recognition, the same who joined His Father in breathing the stars and planets into space. This, the Ancient of Days, Great I AM, Prince of Peace, Blameless Lamb--he who takes my punishment, bears my shame, forever settling a debt I cannot afford. This is the price God's Son willingly pays to buy me back, to give me an eternal and abundant life. Surely, this is love!

Blessed Birthdays

I am thankful for aging. Age brings many gifts, the first of which is Perspective. Events of my childhood stand out as feature-film length when they were but six-second vines. When I was 8, our dog Ginger gave birth to three fat puppies. My sister and I played with them endlessly, cuddling and naming them, and were heartbroken when they went to new homes. And oh! how the time dragged in those days until Christmas, and birthdays, and the county fair! Then came the really long year I was 13 when nothing in world news compared to the horror of pimples on my nose or the thrill of a cute boy smiling at me in the lunch line. At 24, summer crept along lazily while I lounged with my two little girls in the sun at the lake. At 33, the pace picked up as I was distracted by moves and job status and image, and chunks of my 40's blurred by my preoccupation of threats to my health. Perspective is good friends with Wisdom. Wisdom knows that Time is fleeting. Wisdom knows that what other people think of me is none of my business. The older I get, the greater the percentage of the population becomes on the younger side of me and I begin to feel like Everyone's Mother. What is intimidating about everyone being younger than you? Nothing! I am old enough now to know I don't know much. I am old enough to know that I control very little in my own life much less anyone else's. Every day the sun rises and sets on schedule without my help. Spring follows winter with summer after that and I don't have to lift a finger. God is on His throne and He laughs at the boastful plans I make. He knows I am made of dust and my days--like grass--are numbered and fleeting. I do not pine for my youth or wish to return to The Good Ol' Days. These words from 2 Corinthians 4:16 help keep my focus, "That is why we are not discouraged. Though outwardly we are wearing out, inwardly we are renewed day by day." My favorite part of my life is happening right now and the BEST--is yet to come!

Work: Love in Action

I am thankful for work. Work was not part of The Fall, as some think, but was instituted by God: The Lord God took the man and put him in the Garden of Eden to work it and take care of it. (Gen. 2:15) So, the oldest profession is really GARDENING! This is work that I have only discovered in the last decade of my life. It is a good thing to labor in the dirt among the rocks and tree roots, to battle weeds, to prune and transplant, to supply water and nutrients and seed. When I was a child, I thought of work as punishment. As and adult, there have been seasons of my life when I have been physically unable to work and that's when I most vividly realized its value. The paycheck is great, but it's not just about that. To work is to create, to restore and maintain, to serve. Work is noble and we find fulfillment when we embrace it. All work has worth and dignity whether you are washing dishes, pumping gas, unloading trucks, or managing a hospital. I love going to work every day. I am an assistant. I assist. I have the most lovely person to sit by every day and my entire job is to help her. I sort mail. I answer the phone. I label, file, shred, and stamp things. I deliver messages. I cover books and collect receipts. I sanitize surfaces and clean windows. Many precious teenagers, teachers, and parents approach our desk every day and I assist them. What a privilege! How are you making the world a better place for someone else today?